September 11, 1981, McKinley, Ohio“What are we doing tonight?” I asked.“How about we fly to Vegas? We can go to one of those chapels where the preacher dresses like Elvis, get married, and fly back!”“What?!”“Jeez, Mike!” Nancy laughed. “You look like you saw a ghost! I’m obviously teasing! I’m only seventeen!”“Sorry,” I chuckled. “You just sounded so serious when you said it.”“Uh-oh! Is sarcasm lost on you?”“Given that this past week has shown me how clueless I actually am? Probably.”“What happened? I noticed something was bugging you at work on Tuesday, but you didn’t say anything so I let it go.”“The biggest thing is that my little sister is having some serious problems. But I’ve received a full course in racism this week, too.”“You seemed pretty happy when I saw you on Thursday, but still not quite yourself.”“That was because I’d heard from Jocelyn. She’s home now and I’ll get to see her tomorrow. But the stuff with my sister is really weighing on me.”“Have you talked to someone?. There was a message on my answer machine. Jack was inviting me out again.I didn't want to talk to him, but I didn't want to seem rude so I calledand declined on the date. I told him I needed some time. I hoped heunderstood. I felt like such a slut. I felt like I was tricked into anovernight trip with him and didn't know how I wanted to proceed. Thishomosexual thing was like a punch in the gut. I looked around my room andbecame even more depressed. It was all pink and girlish. I've kept tellingmyself that I'm not a girl, yet here I was, wearing a skirt and blouse,crying on my bed in a room totally decorated like any girl my age wouldhave decorated. And I like the color. I real boy would never dream ofliving in a girl's room. I liked the pink waste basket, and the pinkstapler. What on earth was I crying about? No clue. I was feeling kind ofdirty now. What had I done? I encouraged Jack in a relationship that Iwasn't interested in pursuing. I did that for my own sexual pleasure. Andnow, a.
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